what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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