The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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