??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
