here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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