I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Less talking, more tequila
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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