his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
