My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
