You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
