i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
