I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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