its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He shit in the fireplace
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
