i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
