I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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