Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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