just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
