Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
