Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
