My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
