Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
