I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
