need another drink. this is the easiest way
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
