No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
