I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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