There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
