nut hugger
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
