Moan for me like Helen Keller
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
