No subtext here. People are naked.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
