drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
