The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
