I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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