He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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