I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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