We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
