What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
