Porn is love you can see.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
