xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
