Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
