why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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