I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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