Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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