i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
