you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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