So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
