I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
