just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
