I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
