I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
