i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Congratulations! We have a period
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
