i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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