i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
