Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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