My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
