Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
