did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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