she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
