how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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