so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I licked your asshole in confidence.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
