dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
